i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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