so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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