think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
