i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
