I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize