Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
