My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
