I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
