I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
