All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
