i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize