plz talk dirty to me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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