My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
