my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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