my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
