An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
