in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
