I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
