pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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