I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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