You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will pee on everything he values.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
