no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
