Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
