I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
