NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
