I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
