No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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