i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
