I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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