Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
