You smell like stripper and shame
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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