Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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