If i come over, it means nothing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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