Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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