So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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