3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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