sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
