I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize