just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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