Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
