Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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