Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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