Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
