A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
