Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
