hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
