Yo dont text me then not text me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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