you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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