Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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