last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
