There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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