she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
