Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're using joints as your birthday candles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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