I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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