there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize