New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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