I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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