The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
