Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
