Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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