i was born a porn star she said
Say something about gay babies.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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