i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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