If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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