why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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