yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
