i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
