I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
