dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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