:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
