she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
