As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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