I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
