I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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