What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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