I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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