trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
