How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
