Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
