Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
