You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
