Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
