The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize