im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
