i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
