Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
