its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
