we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
