Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
More tranny stories later!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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