ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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