So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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