I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
