ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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