Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
