A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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