And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
