Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
