So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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