Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
