I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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