Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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