Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
